Some background information about myself: I am a recovering music teacher, currently working as a bartender in one of those all-you-can-meat Brazilian steakhouses in Kansas City, Missouri. So now, I have all these stories to tell, but no students to listen. I’m hoping this can be a good creative outlet, and I’m excited to see where it takes me.
This blog is a bit of an experiment for me. It may end up being a lot of things – a life advice column, a blog of personal stories, a dream journal, a fashion blog, a collection of nonsensical ramblings. I’m hoping to get my writing out there, and if I can provide some helpful information, or even just a laugh or two, I’ll call that a W.
So thanks for visiting! Feel free to contact me at williamgraywriting@gmail.com.
Each year, on December 25, the entire country shuts down. Businesses are closed, schools are on break, tumbleweeds roll through the streets. Most of America is at home, basking in the warm glow of yuletide cheer. However, some of us are not so fortunate. If you work in an essential industry, such as a police department, hospital, or Chinese restaurant, you don’t get the day off to celebrate the birth of Christ. And then there’s me. I work in a restaurant that’s open 365 days a year. That includes Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, Easter, Ramadan, even 4/20. Having just gotten through three of the most exhausting days of my life, I’d like to share a few pieces of advice that would have made my life a bit easier this week.
Step one: Make a reservation (but be flexible)
Even if you think you don’t need one, a reservation at a restaurant is never a bad thing. This essentially guarantees you a table for the night of your booking. However, if your reservation is for 7:00 on the busiest night of the year, please don’t expect to be sitting down at your table at 7 pm sharp. Delays happen, mistakes are made, and sometimes, things just don’t work out. There’s a pretty good chance your party is booked for a specific table, especially if your party is larger than 4 people. It’s likely that another party has that table in the time slot leading up to yours. Meaning, if they are slow eaters, or particularly chatty, they may still be sucking down lukewarm coffee at 7:00, when you’re supposed to be sitting down to eat. My restaurant even imposes a time limit for larger parties, but we still end up behind schedule.
Here’s what not to do: stand with your arms passive-aggressively crossed right outside the only entrance to the bar, so I have to squeeze past you and your children every time I need ice. Bonus points if you glare at me, as if it’s somehow my fault that you have to wait an 30 extra minutes.
Here’s what to do: Be patient, kind, and understanding. We are working our butts off to create the best experience possible, and believe me, we’re all just as upset about the wait as you are (reservations running 30 minutes behind means we all get to go home 30 minutes later.)
Step two: You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit
Many restaurants bust out creative holiday-themed menus each year. The chefs worked very hard, giving their time and passion to make something special. Please don’t come in to a restaurant with your heart set on a certain item, and get fussy when you can’t have it. It’s disrespectful to the chef if you won’t order their food, and creates a headache for the entire staff. Some restaurants may even limit their normal menu to a smaller selection, due to the sheer volume of guests on the holiday. This is normal, and makes everything run much smoother. Unless you have an allergy or dietary restriction, please don’t berate your server because they only have mashed potatoes when you wanted a baked potato. Somebody worked really hard on those mashed potatoes, and you’re causing a scene, Brenda.
Step three: TIP
Servers and bartenders work incredibly hard for their money, and how much they make is entirely dependent on how much their guests decide to tip them. I’m not going to get in to the ethics of tipping, or the tipped wage system in this country in general. It is what it is, and I’ve come to peace with only making $4.35 an hour. However, stiffing your server as a form of civil protest is tacky and ineffective. Especially on Christmas, when I can guarantee that nearly every employee in the building would rather be at home with their loved ones, it’s very important to show your gratitude by leaving a sizable tip. I’m not saying you have to leave $100 (though it would be nice,) but try to leave at least 20%, assuming service was good. This is true for any time you eat out, but a crappy tip on Christmas day seems to sting even more. The waitstaff will appreciate your generosity, and they’ll need it. Once January hits, people begin going out to eat much less often, and restaurants slow down a lot. That extra $10 might allow your server to pay February’s rent.
The holidays can be a magical time of year, but for some, it’s an incredibly busy and stressful time. If you plan on going out to eat for Christmas, or any other holiday, follow these steps. You’ll make your server’s day just a little brighter, and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
If I were still a teacher, I’d be on the couch right now, half-paying attention to some NBC workplace comedy. I’d be distracted; my brain replaying the events of the school day, and creating possible scenarios for tomorrow.
When put into stressful or dangerous situations, the human brain is very good at adapting. Like a supercomputer, it analyzes data, and uses it to prepare you for what may come. Unfortunately, working on overdrive all the time comes with side effects.
I’d fall asleep after tossing and turning for about an hour. I’d wake up to my alarm at 6:15, reset it a few times, and finally roll out of bed at 6:45. I’d look through my closet full of clothes. I used to love dressing up for school. Picking a new shirt and tie combination, or pairing chinos and a particular sweater for the first time gave me something to look forward to. Instead, I’d opt for the same polo I wore last week.
I’d kiss my fiancée goodbye, lock the front door, and get in the car. Deep breath. Clutch, neutral, turn the key in the ignition. Press shuffle on Spotify. Deep breath. Pull out of the driveway, start driving. Deep breath. This song never used to make me cry before. Get to school. Contract time: 7:55 am. Arrival time: 7:57 am. Deep breath.
I’d smile as I greet the students in the hallway. “Music teacher,” and “Music man!” they’d call me. I’d try to feed off their excitement. To push away the creeping doubt and worry, and share in their enthusiasm. But inevitably, I’d end up in the same place. Sitting in my cramped office, anxiously counting down the minutes until my first class arrives, the fight-or-flight mechanisms in my body beginning to kick in.
To be honest, most of the teaching is pretty hazy now. What I remember clearly is the before and after. The Sunday night blues turning into Monday through Thursday night blues. The shortness of breath eventually turning into panic attacks. My prep periods, where I’d sit at my computer and google “Education related careers,” and “Kansas City jobs hiring now.” Because when you’re going into battle, it’s important to have an escape plan.
If I were still a teacher, I’d have a fulfilling career. I’d be able to say that I make a difference in the lives of underprivileged children. That I help bring the arts to urban youth. What calling could be more selfless, more noble? If I were still a teacher, I’d still be waiting for my work to fill me up, for the moment where all the stress and pain becomes “worth it.” And who knows, maybe that moment would’ve eventually come. But I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. And even though it hurt like hell to say goodbye, I don’t hurt anymore. Being a bartender doesn’t fill my heart with joy and purpose, but I finally remembered the things that do.
If I were still a teacher, I’d still be empty. But I quit, and now I’m whole.
Louis XIII, son of Henry IV and Marie de’ Medici, was born on the 27th day of September, 1601. He gained the French throne after the assassination of his father when he was only eight years old. Due to Louis’ age and inexperience, his mother acted as regent through his youth. Louis watched his mother mismanage the kingdom until 1617, when he took power, exiling his mother and executing her followers.
Louis faced controversy and rebellion during the infancy of his reign. However, he quickly established himself as a leader during the Thirty Years War, which began in 1618. Louis led influential battles and sieges throughout the war, placing himself in harms way on the field of battle. This, along with his partnership with the Catholic Church, helped him to become one of the first examples of an absolute monarch.
Throughout his reign, Louis XIII did much to advance the French Kingdom, both politically and culturally. Under his rule, France colonized parts of Asia, Morocco, and the Americas. He helped establish France as a hub for artists and musicians, Louis himself being a lutist and composer. He also popularized the wig as a fashion accessory for men, a trend which lasted two centuries. Louis XIII died in 1643 from a combination severe intestinal ulcers and tuberculosis.
In 1724, the Rémy Martin family began producing and selling cognac, produced in the Grande Champagne region of France. They’ve produced some of the finest cognacs and spirits in history. Originally, they sold only by the barrel, but in 1841, Paul-Emile Rémy Martin broke from tradition, and began selling his finest cognac blend in an ornate glass bottle. This particular liqueur, packaged in its signature crystal decanter, eventually became known as Rémy Martin Louis XIII, named after the French King.
Louis XIII cognac is known for its fine taste and presentation, and is as much a status symbol as it is a drink. Wholesale prices for a bottle begin around $3,000, but prices for rare cask varieties can range from $20,000-40,000. My particular restaurant charges around $200 per ounce of Louis XIII. Servers are encouraged to sell the “Louis XIII experience,” where the bottle is brought to the guest and the cognac is poured tableside and served, quite literally, on a silver platter.
So, you can imagine my dismay when last night, at the tail end of my 11-hour Thanksgiving bartending shift, I nicked our bottle of Louis XIII with the corner of a glass rack. The bottle tipped over, and began spilling its contents all over the counter and floor.
I put the glass rack down and picked the bottle back up, while shouting “no, no no no no!” Once the bottle was upright, back in its display, the other bartender and I surveyed the damage. The bottle, which had never been served, was now just under half full. $1600 of cognac was now pooling on the floor underneath my feet.
There was a long pause. My coworker and I stared at each other, and at the bottle, in disbelief. All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing, and the canned Brazilian-fusion jazz on the radio. After a beat, the silence was broken by a man sitting at the bar, who had been watching the whole time. “Well, at least it wasn’t the expensive stuff!”
When asked, many people will tell you that the world of rock guitar peaked in the 70’s and 80’s. Groups like Led Zeppelin, Queen, Van Halen, and AC/DC changed the game, and no guitarist since then has been able to compare to their musicianship and technical skill. However, what many people don’t realize is that there are incredible young guitar players to this day, up and coming in a world of YouTube and digital streaming. There is a lot to be learned from the way that these guitarists play and write. One such guitarist is Andrew John Hozier-Byrne, known by his stage name, Hozier.
Hozier was born in Ireland in 1990 in County Wicklow, Ireland. At 29, he is somewhat young compared to many other influential players today, but his skill as a guitarist, singer, and songwriter is undeniable. His style can be best described as Indie Rock/Blues, but the influence of his Irish folk music upbringing is gives his music a classic feel. Hozier’s music is distinct in its composition. If you listen to both of his albums, Hozier, and Wasteland, Baby!, you will notice similarities in his use of language, melody, harmony, and playing style. This article will lay out some of these similarities, as well as explain the theory behind these nuances, and why learning Hozier’s music will improve your playing.
Use of the Blues Scale
Most beginner guitarists, at least the ones who want to do more than just bang out power chords, start by learning a few basic scales. One of the simplest and most versatile of these is the minor pentatonic scale, and its variant, the Blues Scale. Consisting of the same chord tones as a minor pentatonic scale, only adding the “blue note,” a #4/b5, connecting the 3rd and 4th notes of the scale. This scale has many uses in rock, blues, and jazz music, and is an easy way to add some grit and emotion to your music. However, if you’re not careful, it’s easy to sound expressionless and mechanical while playing from the blues scale. Hozier uses the blues scale to craft the melody of several of his songs, but uses rhythms and chord progressions to create a sound that is gripping and dramatic, rather than lifeless and uninspired.
To Be Alone
To Be Alone, from Hozier’s debut album, is a song of drug-fueled, toxic love. It starts simply, with a repeated bass note on the low E string of his guitar, before the song’s melody enters in the upper register. It is a simple enough melody, devoid of huge leaps or crazy accidentals, but when broken down, reveals itself to be nothing more than notes from the blues scale. Translated into its scale degrees, it looks something like this:
If this looks like total nonsense to you, that’s ok – the important part to understand is that all of these notes are in the standard blues scale, and the line is simple to play. Learning how to play To Be Alone will improve your independence between the fingers and thumb of your picking hand, since you’ll have to nail the timing of the melody, while sustaining the repeated quarter notes in the bass. It will also improve your comfort with the blues scale, especially in the open E position. Lastly, it’s just a really cool song.
Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue)
Moment’s Silence has a similar sound to To Be Alone, albeit a little less dark and brooding. Listening to the two songs back to back, however, you can tell that Hozier’s playing improved immensely between his first and second albums. If To Be Alone is an ice cold Miller Lite, Moment’s Silence is an IPA; same general concept, but richer, fuller, and with more satisfying flavors. The phrasing is improved, the rhythms are more complex. He uses the same open E blues as the basis of the melody, but this time, throws in a major 3rd scale degree once each verse (in this case, briefly landing on the 1st fret of the G string, before resolving the phrase back down to the root of E, on the 2nd fret of the D string). Using the Major 3rd in a minor blues is a fairly common motif used by blues artists to add an extra twist to an already soulful melody.
Moment’s Silence is also deeper from a compositional standpoint. While To be Alone remains on one chord for pretty much the whole song, Moment’s Silence contains satisfying chord progressions that only add to the drama. I’m not here to tell you that one song is objectively better than the other, since I believe that music is inherently subjective, but if you’re trying to improve your guitar playing, Moment’s Silence is the logical next stepping stone from To be Alone. It uses many of the same skills already learned, and expands on them, while also teaching new riffs and techniques. Plus, it’s also a really cool song.
Hozier’s Style of Fingerpicking
As demonstrated in both examples so far, Hozier uses a distinct style of fingerpicking. He rejects the commonly heard Travis Picking style of Dust in the Wind and Landslide, in favor of his own unique brand. In most of his fingerpicked songs, he uses his thumb to repeatedly strum the bottom E string, repeating the root of the chord over and over. He uses the rest of his fingers, as well as hammer ons and pull offs with his fretting hand, to play the song’s melody. This allows him to simulate the sound of having multiple instruments, while playing in a solo acoustic setting. This style also lends itself well to playing and singing simultaneously, since the melody is usually the same between guitar and vocals. This technique takes some practice, but it becomes easier with each song you learn. Nailing this style will help your coordination and timing, which will improve your playing in all other types of music.
Like Real People Do
Perhaps the simplest example of this style is Like Real People Do, from Hozier’s Debut Album. It is somewhat similar in style to To Be Alone, but replaces its brooding angst with dreamlike nostalgia. It begins the same way, with a repeated bass note on the low E string (noticing a pattern?). However, this time the bass note is a G instead of the open E. This will require you to use the 2nd finger on your fretting hand to press down the 3rd fret of the E string for pretty much the whole song. This makes it a bit trickier to fret some of the melody lines, but the song makes up for it by having a simple, repeating melody in G major. If you’ve already nailed To Be Alone, Like Real People Do shouldn’t take you more than a good 20 minutes of concentrated practice to get comfortably into your hands. Which is good, because it can serve as a warm up for our next song.
Cherry Wine
Many of Hozier’s songs delve into heavy issues, like violence, drug abuse, and domestic violence. One such song is Cherry Wine, from his first album. On first listen, it is a gentle, sweet love song. Once you dissect the lyrics, however, it weaves a story of a toxic relationship, filled with abuse. The guitar part is similar to that of Like Real People Do, but once again, more complex, both rhythmically and harmonically. It is also played in G major, but with a capo on the 6th fret. The closer fret spacing of the upper neck takes some getting used to, as does the increased pressure required to make the notes sound. Learn this one after Like Real People Do. It will still provide a challenge, but will seamlessly pick up, and build upon, those same skills and techniques learned in the first song. Look out for a few tricky spots though: It contains a 2 against 3 rhythm between the static bass note and the descending melody line at the end of each chorus. It also features a beautiful solo section, revolving around an Am7 – G Major chord progression, using slides, hammer ons, and pull offs to create a hauntingly sweet melody.
Shrike
Shrike, in my opinion, is an underrated masterpiece of a song. It contains all the beauty, and sorrow, of Cherry Wine, and creates yet another bittersweet allegory of an abusive relationship. I recommend watching a live performance of the song, so you can see just how effortless Hozier’s guitar playing has become in the last year. Shrike takes the most difficult parts of Cherry Wine, makers them even harder, and bases the whole song around them. It uses yet another repeating bass note, but this time the bass line alternates strings. It uses a similar 2 against 3 rhythmic pattern, this time making up the majority of the melody. It contains more short guitar solos, this time sliding up and down the next throughout, rather than staying in the same G major box. Did I mention it also uses an alternate tuning? Simply put, Shrike shows us that Hozier has been continually improving as a guitarist and songwriter since the release of his first album, without losing any of his emotional character, penchant for deep, metaphorical lyrics, or rustic Irish charm.
Alternate Time Signatures
Listening to the popular music of the last, well, almost forever, you’ll notice that the majority of music is written in common time, or 4/4 time. This means that each measure of music contains four beats, and each beat is equal in length to one quarter note. With Hozier, however, this is not the case. The last three songs featured in this article, for example, are all in 3/4 time signature, which means that there are 3 beats in each measure. To Be Alone is even stranger, using a 6/4 time signature for the majority of the song, with an occasional 4/4 measure thrown in. In the grand scheme of things, these time signatures aren’t all that difficult to play in. 3/4, while not as common as 4/4, is still seen quite a bit, and shouldn’t be too hard for a beginner guitarist to get the feel for. 6/4 might throw you for a loop, but it really just ends up feeling like two 3/4 measures put together. But, of course, Hozier doesn’t stop there. He managed to create a catchy, upbeat, commercially successful song with a 5/4 time signature, a feat not often achieved since Dave Brubeck’s Take Five.
From Eden
From Eden, from Hozier’s first album, has a fun, tongue-in-cheek pop/neo-soul sound. It is a complicated song about a man longing for somebody he can’t have, containing biblical themes of lust and sin. While most of the songs listed above use open chord positions with slow progressions, From Eden quickly changes between chords all over the next, using pull offs to create its distinctive opening riff. Personally, I didn’t even notice that this song is in an alternate time signature until months after my first listen, and even then, I had to count along just to make sure. The uneven lilt of a compound (uneven) time signature feels completely natural in this setting. The album version of this song even has a cool, retro surf-guitar style solo in the middle. For this reason, and many others, this song is worth learning on guitar. The other songs listed in this article will improve your folk and blues playing, but this song will build skills necessary to be a great rhythm guitar player, like quick chord changes, complex picking, and comfort in compound time signatures.
This article has laid out a handful of Hozier’s best songs, ones that are especially good for a beginner guitar player to learn. I encourage you to learn as many of these songs as you can, and I challenge you to use the skills and techniques you learn to create your own music. At the very least, I hope this article has convinced you to listen to Hozier’s music, and given you an appreciation for what is going on behind the tabs.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the same problem. I’m terrible at listening to new music. I’m content to sit and listen to the same song over and over again until I can sing along to every word, hear the chord progressions in my head before they happen, and rank its YouTube covers from best to worst. When I finally do listen to something fresh, it’s only a matter of time until I find that one song, and I’m back to square one. Today, I’ve decided to embrace that part of myself, and try to use it to create something good. On Repeat will be a series in which I write about these songs, and attempt to convey why I resonate with them on such a deep level.
This week, my song on repeat has been Vincent (Starry, Starry Night) by Don McLean. I discovered the song a few weeks ago on my Apple Music feed, and saved it to my library. It was pretty, and I’ve always loved Don McLean’s voice, but I didn’t really listen to the lyrics closely. About a week later, I gave it a second listen, and holy cow. Vincent belongs to a select category of songs that, if stripped of all instruments and vocals, and left only with words, would remain just as gorgeous. McLean was inspired to write the song after reading a book about Vincent Van Gogh, and in the song, perfectly captures the artist’s brilliance, and sorrow.
The simple, fingerpicked guitar accompaniment perfectly supports and accentuates the vocals, without overpowering them. Though the song itself is somewhat repetitive, McLean makes up for it by singing each verse and chorus with a slightly different inflection. In this live performance, he adds short, subtle guitar licks, and alters the vocal melody in spots, to really create a unique performance of the song.
Melody
I’m going to nerd out about music theory here for just a second. If this doesn’t make any sense to you, or if you just don’t care at all, feel free to skip to the next section, I promise I won’t be mad.
What makes the melody of this song so beautiful to me is its use of tension and resolution. McLean plays this song in the key of G major. The 4th and 8th line of each verse are centered around the dominant chord, in this case, D major. In western music, the dominant chord almost always resolves back to the tonic chord, which acts as a musical home base. Since we are in the key of G major, tonic is G major. As far as melody goes, most of the time, the first note of any given phrase is going to be somewhat important. In this case, McLean shifts to a dominant chord in the guitar at the beginning of the phrase, but the first note of the vocal line lingers on the main note of the tonic chord for just a second. This creates a suspension, where he is singing a note that is not contained in the chord he’s playing on the guitar. The vocal line then quickly hops down to a note that is in the chord, creating a resolution. However, he doesn’t stop there. The line keeps moving gently up and down, leaving the listener’s ear confused as to when the phrase is going to rest. Finally, his voice and guitar sync back up, and land gracefully on the tonic chord, where our ears expected it to end up all along.
Rhyme Scheme
Part of what makes this song so unique is its rhyme scheme. Instead of using a more traditional rhyme scheme, in which rhymes are contained within each verse and chorus, McLean rhymes the last line of each verse with the first line of the chorus.
Additionally, the chorus uses an uneven rhyme pattern, where three lines are grouped together, then two. This gives the song a poetic and story-driven feel, and is a pleasant change of pace from the highly structured rhyme schemes heard in the majority of pop music.
Favorite Lines
It’s difficult to pick my favorite lines in this song. They’re all beautiful, and they all serve their own part in telling Vincent’s story. That being said, there are a few that stick out to me, and give me chills each time I hear them.
I love this line for its use of alliteration, between “flaming flowers,” and “brightly blaze.” On top of that, it’s so visually descriptive, with all its colors, shapes, and strong, specific details.
The very next section is perhaps one of the most gentle and serene in the whole song, but when dissected, is deeply ironic. Vincent, who famously suffered from severe depression and paranoia, creates his ideal world in his art. He soothes the weathered faces that he paints, but is unable to ease his own pain.
When I first heard this line, all I could say was “Jesus.” Don McLean is able to tastefully and eloquently write about Van Gogh’s suicide, and immediately after, provide him with words of comfort. To me, “this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you” is McLean’s way of saying “It’s OK. Your mind and your talent were too much for this world, and now you can finally be at peace.” Hauntingly beautiful.
The Covers
I really enjoy Passenger’s cover of this song. It is very true to the original, using fingerstyle guitar to accompany the simple vocal line. This version of the song feels even more akin to a lullaby than the original, due to several reasons. Passenger performs the classic in the key of E major, rather than McLean’s G major. This allows the singer to use a quieter and more gentle tone, since he doesn’t have to reach for any particularly high notes. Due to the change of key, the guitar part is now played in the key of D, with a capo on the 2nd fret. This means that even though the vocal line is lower, the guitar line is higher in pitch, creating a sound reminiscent of the bells on an infant’s mobile.
After much personal debate, I’ve decided that James Blake’s cover of this song is just a little better than Passenger’s. Though he takes more liberties in his performance of the song, Blake’s vocals are heart-wrenching at times, and soothingly sweet at others. His vibrato during the phrase “you took your life as lovers often do” rips my soul to pieces. The piano accompaniment adds a lot of depth to the sound. It reminds me of his cover of Joni Mitchell’s Case of You, which I also recommend listening to immediately.
That’s about all I have to say about this masterpiece of a song. Stay tuned for when Spotify creates my “Top Songs of 2019” playlist, when I’ll have about 100 more songs to write about. Thanks for reading!
The chemistry was instant, and undeniable. You: a staunch man of 60 to 65. Your grey hair combed playfully up, to purposefully appear thicker. Your fist, pounding the air as you exclaim, “This is bullshit!” after I told you the mashed potatoes would be another 5 or 10 minutes. Me: just starting the second shift of my double. Fighting off the afternoon yawns. Trying to maintain my composure, in the midst of this absurd situation, for which I was in no way prepared. Your family: continuing to quietly enjoy their food like well-adjusted adults, trying to ignore Grandpa’s questionable behavior.
In a way, I almost feel bad for people like Papa Potato. Maybe it’s just the empath in me, but I can’t imagine going through life with that level of entitlement, or so severely lacking perspective. This man, this grown-ass adult, is sitting in a climate-controlled restaurant, with plenty of food in front of him, berating a 24 year old who makes $4.35 an hour and has to wear a bowtie, because some of his food is taking longer than he would prefer. Meanwhile, less than a block away, sits a homeless paraplegic veteran, shaking a cup and holding a sign, hoping to scrounge up enough cash to afford a hot meal. One of these people can afford to pay $50 a plate for his family of 10, the other doesn’t have a safe place to sleep at night. Guess which one is throwing a temper tantrum?
It’s getting a little old, hearing about how my generation is so spoiled, so entitled, so unappreciative. Any time I’ve ever been yelled at, talked down to, or in any way made to feel like I’m less than, it’s been somebody much older than me. On the other hand, when I greet a table of guests close to my own age, I breathe a sigh of relief, because I know that they’re going to treat me with some common decency, and leave a respectable tip at the end of the meal. Say what you will about the millennial generation, we generally treat each other like human beings, no matter our position in society.
I’m happy to say, I didn’t let his tirade ruin my night. I continued to bring refills and sides for their table until they paid out and left, and maintained my waiter smile and customer service voice throughout the night. But please know, every time you treat a service employee like dirt under your shoe, it gets a little bit harder for us to keep up the facade. Our smiles fade slightly, the cracks in our armor grow a bit deeper. Because we’re people too. And I’m really sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but the mashed potatoes are gonna be just a little bit longer.
Sweater. Jumper. Pullover. No matter your preferred nomenclature, this iconic piece of menswear has remained an important part of mens’ wardrobes for over a century. The sweater is as versatile as it is classic, featuring dozens of different patterns, materials, and styles. This article will dive into the history of some of the most important varieties of sweaters, and explain why they should hold a special place in your heart, and your wardrobe.
The Cable Knit Sweater
Masculine yet comforting, like a hug from your dad.
The cable knit sweater, also called a Fisherman’s Sweater, originated in Ireland, from tough, seafaring men who needed to stay warm and dry on the water. They are one of the chunkier varieties of sweater, and usually appear in cream, but these days can also be found in navy, grey, and white. A cable knit sweater pairs well with a musky cologne and a rare steak. It says, “I like my scotch neat, and my books bound in leather.” A true fall/winter staple, dress one up with a pair of wool trousers, over an oxford shirt, or dress it down with some dark denim and boots.
The Cashmere Sweater
Sleek and sophisticated, like an Italian sports car.
If the cable knit sweater is a bracing shot of room temperature whisky, the cashmere sweater is a finely aged cognac. Known for its soft, silky texture, as well as its price, cashmere wool comes from a specific breed of goats. Cashmere sweaters are sought after, as they are warm, comfortable, and refined, and often act as a status symbol. However, please be aware of the environmental impact that cashmere production carries. Cashmere goats tend to destroy the grasslands they inhabit, turning it to desert before moving on to a new area. If you’re looking to purchase one, check online resale websites such as Grailed or eBay, or in second hand stores, before buying new. Cashmere sweaters don’t lend themselves to an overly casual look, but can be dressed down with wool trousers and casual dress shoes, such as loafers or derbies, or layered underneath a blazer, for a well-insulated formal look.
The Turtleneck Sweater
Smart and just a bit cynical, like your 10th grade English Teacher.
The Turtleneck, or polo neck sweater, started as a functional piece for the working class in England, before being adopted by artists, academics, and counter-culture intellectuals across Europe. In the United States, they enjoyed a brief stint of popularity among the middle class of the 1920’s, before becoming a smart-casual replacement for the standard shirt and tie of the 1950’s, a rejection of the white collar status quo. Sport a turtleneck if you have a chiseled, inverted v-shaped torso, if you like to read William S. Burroughs in local coffee shops, or if your neck is covered with hickeys, and you have a lunch date with your mother at 1. However, strict guidelines for how to wear a turtleneck would, in my opinion, go against everything the garment stands for, so wear it however you want.
The Breton Stripe Sweater
Chic and Bohemian, like your aunt who lives in Seattle.
The Breton stripe sweater (marinière) originated in 18th century france as a tight-knit inner layer to keep fishermen warm, before being adopted by seamen in the French Navy. They remained in style throughout the 20th century as an homage to those sailors. Coco Chanel also helped the Breton stripe sweater to gain popularity in women’s fashion, continuing the emancipation of the female body from society’s expectation of wearing dresses and skirts. The Breton stripe sweater is traditionally found in white with navy stripes, but can often be found in different shades, or even reversed, with a dark body and light stripes. This piece leans more casual; pair it with dark jeans or chinos for a more presentable look, or with light denim and white sneakers for a sharp, casual outfit. Pairs well with a plain croissant and a long cigarette.
The Cardigan
Gentle and unpretentious, like the concert band at your local senior center.
Last but not least, the
cardigan. Perhaps the most iconic of all sweaters, the cardigan generously
lends itself to each and every cultural icon that chooses to adorn themselves
in its woolen embrace. Kurt Cobain made it a grunge piece. The Dude made it
stoner wear. Mr. Rogers made us all better people. Spawning from 19th century
British cavalry, the cardigan served as a warm, functional alternative to the
military waistcoat. It can still be worn underneath a coat or blazer, but these
days, the cardigan is often featured as the outermost layer of an outfit. Sport
a chunky, shawl collar cardigan atop a long sleeve henley for your next pumpkin
patch date. Button up a thin, collarless merino wool cardigan over a checkered
shirt and tie, for a smart office look, a la Ben Wyatt from Parks and Recreation. From Gen Z to
Geriatrics, the cardigan is undoubtedly timeless, and a great addition to any
wardrobe.
There you have it. I hope this article has convinced you to add a sweater into your regular rotation. They are versatile, functional, and when worn correctly, can make a statement. There are countless other varieties of sweaters to choose from, so head on over to your local St. Vincent de Paul, and see what’s waiting for you. Just be sure to wash it before wearing (and for the love of God, hang dry it).
There’s a lot to learn from his gin-soaked charisma.
Sunday morning. 9:30 am. I’m enjoying my Egg McMuffin in the lobby of the McDonald’s on Broadway. Suddenly, I hear from the counter, “Naw, I don’t mind waitin’. I’ll wait for you forever, honey!” A middle aged man is hunched over the counter, fishing change from his pocket. His skin is leathery and his hair is white, but there is a certain youth to his demeanor. He flashes the cashier a goofy smile, turns around, and begins making his way around the restaurant.
Having worked customer service for the past eight years, I immediately peg him as “that guy.” The “the-liquor-store-doesn’t-open-until-11-on-Sundays-so-I-hang-out-at-one-specific-restaurant-and-make-the-minimum-wage-employees-uncomfortable-for-two-hours” guy. Every Hy-vee I’ve worked at has had a liquored-up regular that made the casual dining area their stomping ground, and in my experience, they are demanding, cheap, and vaguely misogynistic. But what happened next made me eat my words.
He proceeded to walk around the restaurant, and say good morning to every single person. Race, age, or gender didn’t matter. This man was determined to look all of us in the eye, shake our hands, and wish us a pleasant day. I had finished my meal by the time he made his way to my booth, and this man, this total stranger, who was at least 30 years older than me, offered to take my tray. I was already about to get up and throw it away myself, but I was so caught off guard by his kindness and generosity that all I could say was “thank you so much.” Soon after, I gathered my things left for work, telling my new friend to take care, to which he replied “you too, buddy.”
What I took from this experience is two things. First: don’t be too quick to judge someone, especially by appearance alone. I know this is a cliché, but it really took the universe slapping me in the face with the wet noodle of my preconceived notions for it to sink in. Second: I think we can all be a little more like the alcoholic in McDonald’s. Any one of us could have told him to buzz off, but that didn’t matter. This man’s agenda for Sunday morning was to be pleasant and helpful to strangers, and he was going to do that. In 2020, I’m going to stop worrying so much about what other people think, or how they’re going to react to what I say and do. As long as my intentions are pure, they can say what they’re going to say. So, that being said, may I take your tray?
The Mensch Press 